by thestral » Tuesday 14 December 2004 9:03:19pm
(Voldemort and Dumbledore face each other bleeding and battle wearied Voldemort lifts his wand to strike as Dumbledore's heart finally gives out)
Voldemort: hey actually what's so great about about world domination i mean think of all the phonies and i mean all people ever give me for christmas is severed heads, you know what i would really love? a nice pair of socks!
Dumbledore: nuh uh!!! ME TOO !!! people always give me books, like hello i've solved the mysteries of alchemy do they really think there is anything i don't know?!!!? the stupid b******s!
Voldemort: and you know what i saw in the mirror of erised? socks! socks saved the world! magical things you know. and by the way i was a huge fan of the book you wrote on alchemy "ten ways to resurrect the human body". soooo much help in restoring me to my former beauty, couldn't have done it without you! and your tips on kepping the colour in your skin really helped.
Dumbledore: REALLY??!! i saw socks too, no-one has ever saw socks before! you must be my soul mate!!! and by the way, glad to help with the skin how do you think i stay so perky? you do look much better. less pallid, more evil.
Voldemort: you are so sweet!!! embrace me now and hold me to your bosom my brother!!! (sob, sob)
Dumbledore: (sobbing) OHHHHH VOLDIE!!!! WAHHHHH!!!! (whimpers) stroke my beard... ohh right there that's soo good
Voldemort: ohhh it's so soft, what conditioner do you use?
Dumbledore: Loreal elvive on sale on superdrug, 2 for 1 you know works out cheaper than boots. damn scam artists.
(dumbledore kicks harrys obliterated body out of the way as the walk off into the sunset)
Voldemort: oh yeah, sorry 'bout killing harry there in a brutally horrific manner hope you don't mind?
Dumbledore: nah, he was a pain in the ass anyway. every damn year he would mess something up and come to my office crying about it. i'd make eyes twinkle in a benign manner he'd feel reassured go off home and come back and foul everything up all over again. needy really, huh he strutted about like he was something special and i'll tell you what if you hadn't have done it, i would have! so thanks old buddy old pal, i owe you one!
Voldemort: don't mention it. hey, i'll sic my deatheaters on fudge if you want i know he's a right pain in the arse, hell i've had to bribe him for 20 years!
Dumbledore: Ahh this is only the beginning old friend, we have so much work to do.....
(stirring atmospheric music as they walk off silhouetted by the dying sun)