my birth mother

[Evil Wizard Petting Zoo]

Dang, from what I can tell, you don't owe this woman anything. But if you're the religious sort, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Good deeds will come back to you someday.

[Athena Appleton]

Now, when you say you're "not a match," does that mean for the kidney, the bone marrow, or both? I know that at least in some instances (say leukemia), bone marrow does have to be a match.

I don't want you to think I'm saying "don't{/i] do this" or "[i]do this". I just don't want you to feel like you're obligated to this woman.

I'm a little worried about the cash thing. It's almost like they're trying to make it, like, "well, we paid you, so that's all we owe you for this." If you do this, you need to be honest with yourself, and if you realize that somewhere down there you're going to be upset if she barely says thanks and then is out of your life again, you're either okay with that, or you're going to talk to her and let her know about those expectations.

[Paul]

An aunt of mine donated bone marrow two or three years ago (a general donation - she wanted to do something helpful - wasn't for anyone she knew as far as I'm aware). She ended up with bad spinal pain which still continues to this day. I haven't experienced pain like that myself but the pain can apparently be complete and virtually unbearable agony.

This woman who left you beaten and alone seems to have no regrets and if it wasn't for her health situation it seems she's just have gone on with her life as if you'd never existed. Do you really want to risk your own future and health for someone who left you abused and abandoned, then comes to you utterly sefishly with no remorse and asks you to go through potentially dangerous surgery which could leave you in pain for life?

I may be reading wrongly into what you've written but they seem to be cajoling you into this a bit too - talking forcefully to you, making an appointment for you, sending someone to pick you up early in the morning, etc.

It's your decision Barry, but take time to decide what is best for you and those who truly care for you.

[Barry Trotter]

i had no idea bone marrow donation was so fraught with difficutly. i dont think i am going to donate any part of myself to this woman.

i am deffinately not going to

maybe if she had acted differently towards me, shown me some politness things would be different.

thankyou so muck everyone for your support and help. you have helped me so much. i needed things to be broken down and shown from all angles. thanks again
baz x x

[Athena Appleton]

No problem...

Ummm... I don't know you very well... but I know me. And if I were you, I would have Helen or someone else who is strong and who loves you as moral support when you make it clear to this woman and her husband that you aren't donating.

Someone who is not as emotionally involved in all of this, but who cares for you and wants you to do the best thing for you, might be helpful if these people, who are clearly not above using ugly tactics to get their way, try to cajole you any more than they already have.

[Won Wheezy]

I think you made the right choice, Barry. Don't feel guilty about it, you need to look after yourself. Take care hun and good luck!

[Violet]

I've only just read this thread, but i think that you are making the right decision. Like you said you certainly dont owe her anything, and if it hadnt been for her need for a kidney then i can't see that she would have got in contact with you.
I know it's not easy, but try your best not to let it get you down, you have come so far through such a difficult childhood that this woman shouldn't be allowed to just walk back in the way she did with little regard for your feelings.
Take care, *hugs*
violet

[pallas artemis]

I think after hearing all of the potential health risk for you by doing this you are doing the best thing. They should never have tried to force you. They should have realized that being rude on top of everything else wasn't a good way to reach their goal. Not very bright are they.

[Krum]

they almost stated:
-YOUR KIDNEY OR YOUR LIFE!!!
you know, that's kinda rude

[Barry Trotter]

i told them and helen was there

the husband went kindof white and walked straight out and the lady stayed but then left

since then she has seen me once more.

she was more polite on her own but still not exactly civil.

she told me she had given me a name paolo, lucca. which is wierd. knowing i have two names.

but she is gone now. i want nothing from her, especially a name.

thanks again guys. meant a lot
x

[Moonstone]

If i hade been in your situation i too would have had those feelings.. That mother who is supposed to be your birthmother must be the ice queen if she still have no feelings about if you lives or dies as long as she is in perfect helth... i say this kick her to the curv and dont bother about her you have a loving wife and a new born that needs you the most.. Ooo and a whol lot of other ppl if they happen to have a house on fier..

A bit sarcastic there but i got so mad when i read the tread.. sorry if i offended you in some way..

[Athena Appleton]

Well, I think you made the best choice, but I can only imagine how difficult it was to make that choice.

Helen, if you read this, thanks for being there with him. From what I can tell, you're a great friend to have around.

[Courtney Piddle]

hey all , this is a little bit late of me but i'd like to say thankyou for all the support you've given barry.

I'm Helen his flatmate and friend. ( ha ha ha not his loving wife) but i do have a newborn and althrough she isnt barry's she does need him, as do i.

i'd just like to say thankyou really.

[Dumbledores Master]

Look all I can say is this, she left at the roadside badly beaten, didn`t even want to contact you, and was rude when they led up to the question and al I think is that all she was was a way to get into the world, your mother is a person who cared for you, not just a gateway, if I were you I wouldn`t give her the kidney.

[Barry Trotter]

thankyou thanks guys thanks everyone

i felt really guilty? for not wanting to give her my kidney, like maybe i should but you have all shown me that i should not feel guilty in anyway for not giving her my kidney.

thankyou