Plugged in and ready to fall...

[Meg Boyd]

So, for all of those of you aren't wandering and in out of our own little mini st. mungo's in the ravenclaw common room (which is prolly 3/4 of you) Meg's love life hasn't been good ever since the emotional break up last july (see the heart breaker thread)

Yup, pretty sure Meg's vow to give up boys until college died about three weeks after the break up...

I still feel absolutely unhappy and guilty about what I did too poor Cody (my ex-boyfriend)...I was immature and he is a nice and fragile spirit...

However during the remaining days of the summer after Cody and I were done, I started falling (once again) for my best friend Mike...dang it was that a bad choice...because after a few months of screwing up all my courage and might to ask him out he told me i meant to much to him and that "best friends don't date now, they date after college and then they get married"...well after months and months of falling more and more in love with him and months and months of worrying over what he meant by mentioning marriage all hell broke loose...

He started dating

I never really liked this girl. I never really knew her, but I don't like her friends at all and there is something about the insane amount of eye make up she wears that bugs me. Yet, Mike is my best friend and I owe it to him to be nice and give her a chance and to get to know her and to treat her with respect...

but as I watch some one i love hang all over This Girl who I really just don't think is right for him (i would think this no matter what i felt beyond friendship) it gets harder and harder for me to get used to the fact...

I find myself hoping they'll break up...

I don't know, maybe I feel replaced. I went from being his number one girl to being just another one of his friends, and I don't like that.

He's starting to be acting like a jerk, and it isn't just me who sees this its the rest of our friends

I don't like being jealous but I miss being important in his eyes

Oh Lord God I want to be special in his eyes...and I want him to mean it...

I don't want to dislike Mike's girlfriend but it's hard to enjoy the meal when there is a bitter taste in one's mouth...

Mike recently threw a surprise party for a mutual friend of ours, Nicki. Well Mike also invited his girlfriend who is no way part of our clique. She is infact younger than us. I give Mike props for resisting his urge to be glued to her during the party, but sure enough as soon as I left to go see the stars with my other friend they were stuck to each other (we couldn't help seeing this through the windows of the house as we sat out side)...I know I have no right to be angry but God I wonder why isn't that me? And I hate seeing them like that...not only is it kinda gross it just makes me so angry...why am i not good enough?

The killer is is that our teachers wonder the same thing I do. I'm pretty close to a lot of my teachers and it's funny what their takes on this whole situation. My guidance counselor at school feels that Mike and I have a really awesome relationship as friends and even hung up our senior photos on his bulleton board together because he says we'll always be together. However my music teachers know us both very well and both witnessed a recent breakdown i had regarding this whole thing. My band instructor got kinda angry at Mike and consoled me by saying Mike is an immature boy who is thinking with his epedimus and not his cranium, while my vocal instructor tells me that The Girl is not half the woman I am and that Mike could do so much better than The Girl. Meanwhile my wise english teacher merely winks and says that time will tell but to be wise one should stick with one's best friend

This whole situation has made me so depression but now as I climb out of the steep and slippery hole of depression I am getting angry

I don't want to hate him...

I just don't understand why some i care about so much could cause me so much pain

I don't understand why no one loves me

and here is the new problem...I know that some one did "love" me once and that I crushed them

So not only do I feel angry and depressed towards Mike, I feel guilty and depressed for what i did to Cody...

...and I realize that all I want is for some one to hold me and to tell me that everything is going to be all right...some one to tell me that I'm special and that I matter...some one to be by my side and hold my hand...some one to listen to me, some one i can listen to...i just want to be loved...

And here i am staring at my buddy list...Cody's screen name is highlighted ready to talk

and I know i shouldn't do it

because that would be mean

I don't care for him...I just know that he'd be willing to give me what i want because Mike won't

I know that i'm just vulnrable...but it is this dark and sinister thought that is bouncing through my brain...

yet i know i could hurt him even more if i started anything again

and its not even him anymore...I find myself making eyes at any boy who will show me any attention what so ever...i just want to be some one's girl and I know that is a horrible thing because i am a firm believer of love and true love...and that disposable boyfriends are disrepectful and mean

But I just want to be held and loved

[Athena Appleton]

Oy...

Read what I told pinky in her thread, and I still believe that you need to let this Mike dude go. I know you think he's a "forever friend" and probably more, but things just ain't turnin out that way, honey.

No, you may not im Cody and use him as a disposable boyfriend, because you are better than that, and he deserves better than that. I've done that, and I've been the disposable girlfriend... it stinks all around.

I know what I have to say is nothing like what you want to hear. You know... I've been in your shoes. Mike obviously doesn't feel the same way about you that you feel about him. etc. etc. etc....

But it's true.

It's hard, and right now it seems like you can't possibly do it, but you've GOT to let this guy go. This is not healthy for you. Nothing that I've heard about Mike since the time we started talking is healthy for you. And some stuff you've said makes me think he won't be healthy for you ever.

Why are you so determined to make a guy who doesn't love you love you? Why do you want someone who doesn't want you back? I know it sounds harsh, and I'm not going to be all sweet about it, but it really bugs me when I see other girls doing what I do.

You have GOT to move past this, Meg. You've got to respect yourself enough to not hang on the distant hope that Mike will "come around" and come to you.

Things aren't going to get all better if he ever decides to get with you. You've become dependant on him for happiness, it seems to me, since you just seem so consumed by this issue.

I'm sorry if I've overstepped the boundaries of St. Mungo's. You know I care about ya, and I hate the idea of you wasting your energies, emotions and time on a fella who is treating you wrong.

[Alice I]

Meg hunny,
You do have a bit of a problem so let me try to help if I can.
First of all you are a very intelligent young lady. I just read one of your posts under ENOUGH ALREADY and that post showed me your real quality.

What is happening to you actually reminded me a little of the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding" You are young and I am sure you have seen it. You are also very intelligent so I am certain that you can draw your own conclusions to that particular parallel.
I am very disturbed by the response of your teachers however.

The killer is that our teachers wonder the same thing I do.
*My guidance counselor at school feels that Mike and I have a really awesome relationship as friends and even hung up our senior photos on his bulletin board together because he says we'll always be together. *However my music teachers know us both very well and both witnessed a recent breakdown I had regarding this whole thing.
*My band instructor got kinda angry at Mike and consoled me by saying Mike is an immature boy who is thinking with his epedimus and not his cranium,
*my vocal instructor tells me that The Girl is not half the woman I am and that Mike could do so much better than The Girl.
*my wise english teacher merely winks and says that time will tell but to be wise one should stick with one's best friend

Meg this is not the response that your teachers should be giving you. You need guidance for sure yet what I am seeing here is not guidance but different individual opinions.
You are a young woman, I am assuming, still in high school. These teachers should be giving you general advise and support for your admittedly confused feelings; but to have one say that the boy is immature and thinking with the wrong part of his anatomy
and another saying to stick with your best friend is simply inappropriate.
None of these individuals have the right, or even knowledgeable authority, to give you that kind of advise.
As teachers they should listen to you, and allow you to vent your feelings on the matter but quite frankly unless any of these individuals holds a certified degree in psychology; then as teachers in your school they have no business giving you this type of advise.

I just don't understand why some i care about so much could cause me so much pain

He causes you so much pain because you care about him so much. Love is a risky business Meg. We give the ones we love the power to destroy us because we love them.

I don't understand why no one loves me

Are you really sure about that? I can think of at least one person who loves you Meg. I am sure that you can think of more.
As far as romantic love goes; I'll bet there may even be one or two that fit that bill as well.

I know that some one did "love" me once and that I crushed them

Even when you "crush" someone; if love was there, it will still be there. Love is an incredibly resilient thing and is not easily destroyed.

...and I realize that all I want is for some one to hold me and to tell me that everything is going to be all right...some one to tell me that I'm special and that I matter...some one to be by my side and hold my hand...some one to listen to me, some one i can listen to...i just want to be loved...

Meg every woman has felt these exact same feelings at some point in their lives. (I won't speak for the fellas) This is a terrible lonely and desolate feeling but it is also perfectly natural. (Sometimes life really bites doesn't it?)
Meg as you experience these feelings know that deep down this process is normal and necessary. I am nearly 40 yrs. old but I can still remember the exact feelings you are describing to a "T". As uncomfortable as these feelings make you; try to realize that, they are a natural emotional evolution for you and you will NOT feel this way forever.

But I just want to be held and loved

You do.

And though I am not a guy and not what you really want;
I am a person who genuinely cares about you, as do many other folks here, and I offer you the hug and the condolence you need as well as the ear of a friend and confidant.

[Meg Boyd]

Meg this is not the response that your teachers should be giving you. You need guidance for sure yet what I am seeing here is not guidance but different individual opinions.
You are a young woman, I am assuming, still in high school. These teachers should be giving you general advise and support for your admittedly confused feelings; but to have one say that the boy is immature and thinking with the wrong part of his anatomy
and another saying to stick with your best friend is simply inappropriate.
None of these individuals have the right, or even knowledgeable authority, to give you that kind of advise.
As teachers they should listen to you, and allow you to vent your feelings on the matter but quite frankly unless any of these individuals holds a certified degree in psychology; then as teachers in your school they have no business giving you this type of advise

Well you see i come from a small town...and I have known these teachers since i was a baby they have been part of my life for ages and it is to the point now that they are more like friends than just teachers. I guess it would be more appropriate to say something like they are my friends or neighbors...heck, my band director was my conformation sponsor...you know what i mean?

And I know I ought to give up Mike, at least in this sense but he still is my friend. Don't get me wrong, you only hear the bad things...99% of time we get along famously just as we always did...not much has changed between us...it is just the presence of this girl that is making difficulties...

And this unhealthy behavior isn't just because of Mike...it's seeing all the different affections I had wanted throughout all of high school and seeing them wasted away because of another girl...it's also feeling inferior to a close friend's new girl friend. I miss being important...it's not really being loved by him, it's just feeling special even if I am not his girlfriend, you know? He used to do things like that, but now he doesn't for fear his girlfriend would get mad or something...mean while he doesn't realize the full impact of his choices...

I know nothing will happen now...and I am not going to wait around for him

But I do know him better than most people around (except perhaps his parents) and I see that this line of action is almost expected from some one his age...he might be intellegent beyond belief but ACT scores don't fiqure in maturity levels...we aren't going to be six hours away next year but a mere hour and 45 minutes (he changed schools not me...i am not one of those girls) and it will be easy to keep in touch, and we will...scoff if you must, but we aren't just forever friends we're just really close and we always have been and it will be hard to give up this friendship cold turkey...and he just might come around and he just might not...it's only for God to decide

But that really doesn't fix the fact that I just want to be with some one...not sexually but not plutonically either...and i didn't IM Cody, I know better. In fact IMed my best girl friend Tiffany...but i don't know that evil thought was running loose last night and I didn't like it...

Today is another day at school

[Broccoli]

Meg,

it is natural to long for love and attention.

I have also been through a period when I thought I just need somebody who I can give my love to and who would care for me, and at the same time I was kind of afraid that I wouldn't find the right guy. It was especially hard for me to get over some-one I really liked. All I could think of at that time was that I just need somebody else so that I can forget him, I just need SOMEBODY.

Now I can tell that it was totally wrong. This 'somebody' is not really a solution. I have to find this solution inside of me. I realised that it is important to find inner peace, to learn to live on my own and be satisfied with myself, with what I do. I understood that only if you find yourself you can also find somebody else. Just looking for a new boyfriend won't bring much. I understood that feelings of love are too beautiful for them to be wasted on somebody who doesn't deserve it. I have a whole life to live and there will definitely be great moments and beautiful feelings.

And you know, as soon as I realised it, I felt so much freedom and peace. I thought: I have friends who care about me, I have my parents... I am not alone now. Sooner or later I'll also meet someone to share my feelings of love. And I did.