Blindsided By Apprehension

[bellatrixblacklestrange]

Disclaimer - All Harry Potter indica belongs to JK Rowling. Meaning anything you come across from this point and you actually recognise is not mine. Anything you don't is mine, so be nice and don't steal my one weapon in the war against reality. MY IMAGINATION

If Snape was in love do you think he would recongise it? Would he know what to do?

Rated PG-ish, passing mentions of s*x.

Much Ado About Nothing

‘I do believe I do not care!’

‘Well who can blame you, Snape, after all it’s no one else’s life is it? So why should anyone else care, huh?’

‘My point exactly’ Snape grumbled ‘Leave me alone!’

‘Fine I will’

‘Good I’m glad you are’ Snape said

‘I second that’

‘Good’ Snape hissed.

‘Well if you’re going to be like that, I’m leaving’

‘Good I’m enthralled at the fact that you’re leaving’

‘I’m walking to the door now’

‘It turns left to open, Lupin’

‘Oh … would you look at that … it does, Snape’ she drawled, rolling her eyes at Snape. ‘I’m stepping out of your office now, Snape’ she said.

‘Don’t let the door hit you on the backside on your way out! … One foot … then the other, Lupin’ he said quietly.

‘I’ve stepped out your office. I will now proceed to close the door’

‘Okay’ Snape told her smirking.

Lyra closed the door with a snap. Snape watched her shadow underneath the door slip away.

‘Why did I do that for?’ he murmured out aloud to himself.

‘I always do that!’ he thought aloud ‘Every time she comes near me I do that! … Why do I have to be a jerk to her every time she comes near me? She’s the only person that wants to be near me and isn’t forced. She listens to me when I speak with no judgement. What’s wrong with her? Can’t she see I’m no good? She’s not stupid. I know she’s not. I just don’t understand …’

‘Severus?’ the Headmaster’s muffled voice sounded from behind the closed office door. Snape opened the door slowly to see Dumbledore wearing his half-moon spectacles glinting in the torchlight.

‘Is there something troubling you?’ he asked.

He looked into the Headmaster’s face. What did he know? He carefully avoided Dumbledore’s eyes in any case.

‘No there is nothing bothering me’ he told him staring determinedly away from Dumbledore.

‘You see Severus, now the fact that you can’t seem to look me directly in the eyes and tell me that seems to point out the obvious fact that you are indeed keeping something hidden from me. I do not mean to pry. If you feel that it is none of my business I wish for you to tell me so. As I’d rather have that than you lie to me’ he said his eyebrows raised. There was a few minutes silence.

‘I … ah … I’m in love!’ he finally mumbled.

‘Ah, I see. That explains quite a lot then’

‘Does it now …’ Snape mumbled.

‘How does she feel about you?’ the Headmaster asked carefully.

‘Like she wants to hex and curse me with every curse she knows how to accomplish. I wouldn’t be surprised if she learnt a few Unforgivables for the occasion either’

‘Firstly you need to tell her how exactly you feel, Severus’

‘I can’t put it into words … the way I feel’

‘I know having feelings and putting them into words is not your strongest attribute, Severus, but I for one know that you can convey how you feel about something by your manner. She knows that too. Show her how you feel in other words’
There was a moment’s pause before ‘Out of curiosity Severus, have you asked her how she feels about you?’

‘No’

‘I see. You haven’t asked Ms Lupin how she feels about you?’

‘No … Why?’

‘I’m sure you will understand when you ask Lyra’ Dumbledore said slyly.

Dumbledore turned and left Snape’s office humming placidly to himself. He left Severus Snape standing there with more confused thoughts than he had started out with.

[emus]

i like it so far. very good

[bellatrixblacklestrange]

Triumph Of Reality Over Wishful Thinking

As soon as the Headmaster had left his office Snape thought to himself that there is no way and by any means Dumbledore or anyone for that matter can get me to ask her that! … Ever!

‘What if she told me straight out that she didn’t give a damn?’ he said thinking aloud again ‘I can’t handle this cr*p anymore!’ he added

‘It’s not for me! I’m not allowed to be in love. I’m not supposed to be in love. I don’t know how to be. I don’t know what to do. I’m not supposed to fall in love with the sister of someone who always stood there, whilst he watched his friends torment me’

‘This isn’t supposed to happen to me. I’m supposed to die alone, “Old and lonely” That’s what my sister had told me, Old and lonely, unless I did something about it. Do what? What exactly was I supposed to do? Something like this? Tell her I love her?’

… Wrong choice Severus!

The other part of him was driving him insane. He craved for this woman who made some sense of anything in his life. He didn’t want to admit it to her, or anyone for that matter … ever. She was the reason he was able to face everyday. It’s not like your ever going to be with her while you’re at the helm of your feelings and emotions the other part of him was saying again, the part that allowed for rational thought.

‘I’ve already told her I loved her anyway … I kissed her … she swore at me …’ Everyone keeps telling me to ask her how she feels about me. What exactly does everyone know that I don’t? Can they see something I can’t? Is there something there?

There never was anything there … There never was anything there? Those words echoed through his mind. I know I have done things in my past I’m not proud of. If she found out about the other things that I did. What then? Would she loathe me more than she already does? I can’t defend what I did to her. There has to be someway I can repay her? Some middle ground for the grief I caused her. Her godson? No, he wouldn’t help me. Would he though? Her son? I think not Wouldn’t surprise me; he’s just like his father.

Who would help me? Her brother? He’s not the person I once thought he was. I’ve come to realise that. I realise that he is more like his sister than what I first thought. Would he help me? Probably not if he knew you wanted to sleep with his sister…

Maybe I should keep that thought to myself.

Maybe you should, but there is no denying what you really want to do with her.
Do I want to sleep with her though? Or do I want to just be with her? Both … Both?
Yes, both, I want to shag her. I’m sure I’m not the only man who has ever wanted that! No doubt as to why. Really? Why?

She’s beautiful … Beauty isn’t everything? … Smart … Is that a good thing? … Funny … She tells jokes? … Trusting … You’re not … Wants to be around me and isn’t forced into it … Are you sure that’s the case? Does she have alterior motives? … Listens to what I have to say … You don’t listen to her … She gave me a second chance when no one else would … And your well on your way to blowing it, like you did with the first chance she gave you …
‘I don’t deserve her!’ he said aloud.

Isn’t it funny I was just thinking the exact same thing?

‘I definitely don’t deserve her! Maybe Black was right after all? Maybe I’m not good enough for her’