Scary short story (please rate and post ideas for titles)

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Is the story any good as far as it is?

Yes, it's good
2
67%
Meh, it's alright
1
33%
Needs quite a bit of improvement
0
No votes
It sucked. The most boring thing ever.
0
No votes
 
Total votes : 3

Scary short story (please rate and post ideas for titles)

Postby punk_pirate_potter_fan » Friday 7 October 2005 2:47:24am

This story may not turn out all that short. I'll do something like post different parts of it over certain amounts of time. For who ever reads, I'm not good with coming up with ideas for titles, so please help me out along the way of the story.

Anyway, here it is. I appologize in advance for any typos.

Untitled
Prelude
No one knew. Not one person. They couldn't hear the slow steady dripping of blood into crimson puddles in the shaddows of the trees of the forests in Calhoun Falls, South Carolina. But those forests_ they were home to more than just the towering oak trees that seemed to be as old as time itself. Those forests housed a secret, a grusome past. Those forests held the essence of murder.

The only people that knew of this past were the ones who discovered it the hard way. They were the ones hanging from the tree branches of the old trees. The ones whose blood would drip down onto the occasional unexpecting hiker who strayed from the forest's path. But lately, it didn't matter weather the hiker was on the path or not_ you were bound to find one of the bodies.

But no one knew what caused it, except for the ones that hung... and their killer.

Chapter 1

"Hannah! What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to find out what that noise was!"

"Hannah, you know that they've been finding dead bodies! Do you wanna die that bad?"

So Emily continued to follow Hannah off of the path in the woods.

It was easy to tell the path hadn't been used in a long time anyway. There were blades of grass growing out of the usually trodden dirt, and small sprouts of trees were also beginning to crop up. That forest wasn't acommon place to find hikers any more, as it had been so much earlier.

Emily's fast pace picked up to a run. Her friend, curious as she was, didn't seem to care that there was some psyco serial killer running around in the woods, strangling people with copper wires then slitting their throats. Emily sighed. Then she heard a shriek.

"Hannah?" Emily called. "If this is one of your stupid jokes, then you'll be lucky if that killer finds you before I do!"

"Hurry up!" Hannah's voice called back, not sounding remotely frightened, just rather suprised. "This is friggen awsome!"

Emily knew that whatever Hannah found awsome, then she'd probably find it utterly revolting.

"Where are you?" Emily called.

"Well, you don't sound too far away, so... there you are!"

Emily walked through a clump of bushes. There was nothing sickening there...

"C'mere... look at the carvings on this tree... they look just like the ones on that hour glass we found out here..."

Emily walked over beind the tree Hannah was looking at. They were the same as on the hour glass...

The hour glass wasn't actually an hour glass, persay. It was more of a three minute glass. They'd found the "hour" glass a few years ago, before any of the killings had started. The hour glass had looked to be carved out of some sort of hollowed out bone, and it had black symbols carved into the side of it. The symbols remotely resmebled hyroglyphics.

Hannah reached into her pcket and pulled out the hour glass.

"You carry that thing around?" Emily asked.

"Yeah. Only when we go into the woods, though. I've got a pocket knife, too, in case that killer comes after us. Won't do much, but if I stab who ever it is in the stomach and twist the knife, then we'll be able to make a run for it. But these sym_ what was that?"

There was a dripping noise next to Hannah. Then Emily saw something fall with a loud thunk! Hannah jumped back about five feet. It was a dead body of a young girl, maybe the age of seven.

Blood was oozing from from her neck, which had a copper cord around it so tightly that it had cut into her throat. If she hadn't been strangled to death by the cord, then it had surely slit her throat. The girl had black hair and her open eyes were so badly glazed over that there was no telling what color thay were. There were scratches and bruises all over her face and arms, as though she'd put up a fight before she was killed. Emily noticed that the copper cord wasn't just a regualr copper cord_ it had a small, transparent, glass bell threaded onto it. Seeing this girl was a sad sight.

Then another object fell. This time, it wasn't a person_ it was a rather large, blunt axe. The blade cut into the ground next to the girl. Then then girl shot her hand to the axe.

Alrighty, I'll give it a few posts after this and then continue this.
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Postby selene » Saturday 8 October 2005 7:53:03pm

i like it, especially the prelude

but then again, i like a nice drama story

al that's left is finding a nice dramatic title
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Postby Un'Anima Persa » Saturday 8 October 2005 9:34:57pm

OOH!

This is good, really good!

I'm looking forward to the next part.

I havent found a good new scary story in a while. Looks like this is it!
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Postby Curiouser » Sunday 9 October 2005 4:30:08am

Post post post!

On with teh scaryness!
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Postby punk_pirate_potter_fan » Sunday 9 October 2005 8:29:50pm

Shoot, it's good? I didn't think it'd be any good, I haven't written a story like this since last year in 7th grade. Thanks for the good reviews, here's the next chapter. And please remember to try to come up with titles.


Chapter 2

Her hand closed tightly around the ax. Emily backed a few steps away from the girl, but Hannah didn't. She moved closer and sat down next to the girl, staring at her hand.

"Hannah, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Emily whispered to her.

"Her hand..." Hannah examined the hour glass she herself had clutched in her hand, rolling it around. "It's got the same markings. Like someone took an knife and_ oh, shoot."

Hannah jumped up and backwards about two feet. The girl was getting up. Her bloody fingernails dug into the ground as she lifted herself, leaving the small patches of grass around her blood stained. She stood and pulled the ax out of the ground, the blade of it stained with dry blood, and sauntered forward, her walk jumpy as though it had been a while since she'd last moved.

"Should we run now?" Hannah whispered to Emily.

"Yeah, I think so."

Emily backed away a little more. She didn't turn to see if Hannah had, she was too busy watching the girl move towards them.

She couldn't have been more than seven years old. Her black hair went all the way down to her waist, her eyes still blank. What was really disturbing about her was that the girl was alive in the state she was in... but then again... she couldn't be alive. The way that her throat was slit, no human could survive something like that. Maybe she wasn't alive.

Oh, shoot, Emily thought. I need to quit watching horror movies. She can't be alive. I've gotta be having a nightmare. Otherwise I'd be smart enough to actually move. But it doesn't feel like a dream...

Emily backed away a few more steps, then looked behind her. Hannah was still there, looking past Emily to see the girl. Then she looked at Emily, wide-eyed, and pointed forward. Emily looked back around.

The girl was right in front of Emily. Emily froze. But the girl kept moving. Then_ she walked through Emily. Emily fealt subzero chills moving down her spine. Emily turned all the way around, only to see the girl stopped in front of Hannah. Emily walked over, careful not to make any noise, and stood next to Hannah.

Hannah, normally so curious of the unknown and supernatural, was frozen with fear. She had the hour glass still clutched in her hand as she stare into the girl's white, pupiless eyes. Neither of them moved for a rather long time. Then Hannah stepped backwards very slowly. The girl with the ax remained still.

Apparently Hannah figured she was far enough away at about three feet, for she turned, looking causiously over her shoulder, and began to walk away. Emily followed quickly.

It took a while for them to find the hiking trail in the woods again, probably around a half an hour. Hannah sat down at the edge of it, shaking rather badly. Emily sat next to her.

"What's the matter with this place?" Hannah asked, her voice as shakey as she was. "You think there's only a psyco serial killer that you colud stab in the stomach and run away from as defense, and then you find out that it's a little dead girl that the knife would go right through. This just sucks."

"Yeah, I agree." Emily said. For once Hannah, Emily's friend of five years since third grade, wasn't acting crazy. What she was saying would sound crazy to anyone who hadn't witnessed what Emily and Hannah just witnessed, but it sounded sane to Emily.

"And what was with that little bell on the copper wire? This just starts a whole new conspiracy. Who is she, what's her name, how come she all of a sudden just showed up, does anyone know who she is, is her killer still alive, who is her killer, what does she want..."

Hannah rambled on, suddenly sounding like her old self again. Emily was partaily listening, partaily wondering only one thing_ what did the girl want? Then it came to her mind. The markings on that tree, on the girl's hand_ also the markings on the hourglass.

"Hannah. She wants the hourglass."

"What?"

"The girl wants the hour glass. You found that in these woods, remember? Then the tree, then those markings on her hands. That was her hour glass."

"Or her killer's." Hannah sugested. "Her killer would have had to have made those markings in her hand, ya know? But what's so important about an hour glass?"

"That's what I'm wondering..." Emily said.

Hannah rolled the hour glass around in her hands some more. Then she read something off of the bottom of it.

"'Property of Andrea Harrison, age 7.' I'm guessing it was hers." Hannah said.

"Must have been. At least we know her name now." Emily said.

They sat in silence for a while. The only noise was of the singing birds and the wind rusling the leaves of the trees_

Wait a minute, Emily thought. There's no wind.

"Hannah?"

"Hmm?" Hannah was still examining the hour glass.

"You don't feel any wind, do you?"

"No."

Emily looked around. The leaves in the trees weren't moving. And the rustling noise was growing closer, as though coming from behind them.

"Hannah, do you hear that rustling noise?"

Hannah stopped examing the hour glass and listened. Her face grew pale again.

"No..." Emily heard her say quietly. They both turned their heads slowly.

The girl was a few yards away, moving slowly, dead leaves crackling undeneath her bare, bloody feet. The blood was still oozing out of her neck, dripping down onto her white dress, leaving a trail of blood behind her as she walked. Strands of her long black hair were hanging down in front of her face, but her pale eyes were still easily visible.

"Which way leads out of here?" Emily asked.

"The left. Lets go." Hannah said expressionlessly.

They both stood up and walked quickly to the left of the direction they'd been facing. Emily looked behind them. The girl was now walking down the hiking path, dragging the ax on the ground. She was still a long ways away. Soon enough, she wasn't even visible.

"We still need to go quick." Hannah said when Emily pointed this out. "If she's been in here for a while, then she'll definitly know short cuts around this place. Look, there's the plain out side of here, for that matter."

They got out of the forest and slowed down slightly.

"'Andrea Harrison', right?" Emily said.

"Yeah," Hannah said.

"Well, Andrea needs to leave us alone."

"Or I need to leave the hour glass."

"We don't know if that actually is what she wants, though." Emily pointed out. "It probably is, but we need to know first."

"Yeah..." Hannah said. "What if she follows us out of here?"

"Then we're in trouble, aren't we?"

They continued walking, discussing Andrea. They never looked back as they walked away. Not once. They didn't see the girl exit the forest, still dragging the ax along side her. They didn't know that they would be followed all the way back to Emily's house.


Alright, once again, thanks for the good reviews, and also again, please try to come up with some titles for me. I'll continue it again in another few posts.
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Postby Un'Anima Persa » Sunday 9 October 2005 10:26:20pm

OOH!

This is getting better than it was!

I really cant do titles all that well, or i'd help out.

Mine are... dumb XP

Keep writing, its awesome (still)
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Postby punk_pirate_potter_fan » Wednesday 12 October 2005 1:20:20am

No One's posted on this in a while, so oh well, I'm continuing. To who ever reads this, please help me out with titles.

*and I'm considering doing two chapters this time*


Chapter 3

"I don't care if Andrea followed us, I think I could take her."

"Yeah, funny, Hannah.

"Well, she's only seven years old. And if she was following us, at the rate she was moving back in those woods, we'll be eighty by the time she gets here."

"Too true."

It was amazing to Emily that Hannah and herself could discuss what had happened earlier in such humor.

"But I swear, Emily, if she did follow us, she's gettin' a good peice of my mind when she gets here."

"Then you oughta get an ax to the head," I reminded her.

"I'll live."

"Yeah, you'll live," Emily said with noticable sarcasm. "You're head'll be lying five feet away from your body, but your mouth'll probably still be goin' a mile a minute."

"Yeah, probably so.
"Oi, I'm bored..." Emily said, falling over sideways on the couch in her living room. Emily was spending the night with her that night.

Emily looked out the window. The street lights shining down on Anderson Street of Calhoun Falls, South Carolina, were duller than usual. This was probably an illusion; the moon and stars usually helped the street lights to light up Calhoun Falls, but they'd been covered by a thick blanket of clouds.

"Emily?" Emily heard Hannah say.

Emily looked over at Hannah. She looked... different. She didn't look as nonchalant as she usually did.

"I don't like to think about it but... what if Andrea did follow us?"

"I don't know. It's not really every day that a dead girl starts stalking me and my friend."

"Yeah, but... I know she wants the hour glass, I know it. She followed us, I know she_ what was that?"

There was a loud crash in the kitchen, followed by a noise of breaking glass and a scraping sound across the kitchen floor.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no..." Hannah muttered.

"I agree."

"No, it's just that if that's her ax that she's scraping, then Mom's gonna take away my lunch money for school for a good three months in order to get a new floor..."

"That's all that you can worry about?"

"I wish it was..."

"Let's get out of this room," Emily suggested, seeing a shaddow in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Agreed." Hannah said, jumping up and running into her room. Emily followed.


Chapter 4

"Lock the door."

"It's not gonna do any good."

"Lock the door"

"Okay, I'll lock the door, then." Emily locked the door behind her.

"I've already locked the one from my mom's room to this one."

"That's not gonna help unless Andrea's afraid of doors or something, and even then she could walk right through a wall."

"Get away from the door."

"Alright..."

Emily walked over to the bed and sat down.

"It wasn't Andrea today. Andrea's here now, but she wasn't in the forest. Andrea killed her sister. Her sister was the one we saw."

Emily looked over to where Hannah had been pacing back and forth. Hannah was now sitting on the floor, looking up at Emily, but at the samwe time staring into nothingness. Her head was slightly tilted, and she was rocking back and forth. Her voice was serious. It just wasn't like Hannah.

"Hannah..."

"Andrea killed her. She did. That hour glass, she had it with her. She dropped it on her way out of the forest after killing her sister. It was the hour glass. It's posessed. There's some type of demon or monster. Or cursed."

"Hannah."

"Then Andrea's sister... she came back. She'd used that ax to defend herself when she'd died. She died holding that ax, then came back and murdered her sister. For the better. Her sister was going crazy from that hour glass."

"Hannah?"

"Death didn't stop it. Andrea wants the hour glass back. She couldn't live with out it, so she can't be dead without it. Andrea's sister want's to destroy it so Andrea can't get it back and go crazy in her death."

Emily's head had started to hurt. She shut her eyes tightly and lay back on the bed, still listening to Hannah, though she wasn't making much sense to her. Then Emily fealt something drip on her head.

"Emily, move. Now."

Emily opened her eyes slightly. Then, seeing what she saw, they widened abrubtly.

There was a young girl, around Emily's own age, on the ceiling, as though glued or nailed up there. Her hair was white, even though she looked so young, and she had a crazed look in her pale blue eyes. Her hand was reaching down, her fingernails long and black with dry blood. Emily rolled off the bed and landed with a thunk!, and the girl's wide, staring eyes mved to watch her. Then, as though sinking upwards in water, the girl sank into the ceiling, leaving it rippling with watery waves for a moment.

"What... who... huh?" Emily said, sitting up and facing Hannah.

"Andrea's here now, too."


Oi... now my eyes hurt... so does my neck... meh, I like writing, it was worth it! Please help me out with titles, and if there were any typos, I'm sorry, but I typed this up in about twenty minutes, so there's bound to be a few typos. And to those who have read this, thanks for the good reviews so far.
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Postby selene » Wednesday 12 October 2005 2:08:04pm

it's good ... more!!! :grin:

a title, hmm, this is the part i don't like about writing, finding a good title



'the hour glass', 'the curse of the hour glass', 'sisters ... in dead'

i don't know ... it was just the first thing that came into mind
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Postby Asphodel » Saturday 5 November 2005 6:49:32pm

This is really good! Keep it up!
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Re: Scary short story (please rate and post ideas for titles)

Postby salemboy » Sunday 25 May 2008 3:51:09pm

It's beautiful. You just need to etch out the fear in the characters a bit more. Just the plot is scary, but what makes people afraid to go to sleep at night is the fear described in perfect detail, with beautiful illustrations that would make a horror-junky proud. Otherwise, extravagent.
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Re: Scary short story (please rate and post ideas for titles)

Postby *Riley* » Monday 26 May 2008 7:45:03am

I skimmed through i and found it very... Good !

I don't have much of a thing for Horror.

My books I've written are merely 15-20 chapters !! I've named them and I think I did quite a good job ! :lol: :typing: I know I'm 3 years late but meh ! You've probably gone t another forum or posibly stopped with the pottie-ness !
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