I am writing my own book, and I was wondering if I could get some feedback, thanks.
Chapter One - The Crimson Sunset...
THUD! Another head hit the ground hard, a pool of blood making rivers around it. "We aren't gon' to make it!" screamed a very tall man, almost giant, swinging a club around. "Just hold strong until Azlyn arrives!" another man yelled back. These two men had more men all around them, in bloodstained armor, protecting them. Around those men were around one hundred-fifty darkelves, bows at the ready, and eyes gleaming with fire.
The elves started to close in on the men, as they slowly backed into a corner. An arrow flew from a bow, and impacted on a man's chestplate. "Sir, I really think we better just run fo..." one of the soldiers tried to say, but he was cut off, as another arrow placed itself on his shoulder. He let out a yelp of pain, then fell motionless on the hard rock ground below them.
Water dripped down on there heads from the top of the cave, and they heard something over them. "Azlyn! Azlyn is here!" the men screamed. The elves turned toward the ceiling, bows pointed at the spot they had heard the loud thumping. Everything went quiet for a few moments. All of a sudden, with a loud bang, the ceiling gave in, and a man fell through it, he looked as if he was unconcious. "Azlyn, is that what she sends us?" "What is it?" "I don't know." All of this echoed through the humans group. The elves aimed everything they had at the rubble. Slowly, the man got out of the old rocks, you could not see what he was, even if he was human or not, for he wore an old gray cloak that covered his whole body, and his face was hidden beneath the hood. He walked toward the elves, until he was face to face with a very tall one in the front. All in one moment, the elf saw the mans eye's gleam, the elf smiled, and the man stuck out his left hand, pointed straight at the humans.
"This should work out nicely.." said the elf. And an instant later, what looked like a stream of jet black air exploded out of the man's hand, and flew into the wall above the men. The wall fell, and the humans were smothered.
not done with chapter 1, and it won't usually be this dramatic