Red Letter Day

[Meg Boyd]

So I am writing a screen play...and i want to know what others think of it...i think i am going to post it here...here is the set up synopsis and character sets and the first scene...I have no real experience writing screen plays so i'm sure the format is wrong but what counts is the story at the moment...

Red Letter Day
by M. Elizabeth Matteson...this is my orginal work, don't you be stealing it!


Molly Schuster is a somewhat normal eleven year old girl until one-day her world is turned upside down. A normal visit to the dreaded orthodontist turns into a moment that she will never forget. A simple mix-up with Adam Hewlett, the new boy in town, creates a rivalry strong enough to turn goat piss into gasoline. Six years pass and it is through another simple mix up with Adam that creates an amazing friendship. It is through the wild antics of her friend Adam that makes Molly learn valuable lessons about life, future, and love. Molly and Adam’s lives seem perfect until the day comes where it is time to decide their future. Time, space, and maturity separate Molly and Adam, and it is not until a tragedy strikes that they truly appreciate each other, and find that one thing that makes them ultimately happy.
Characters

Molly Schuster, a young quirky girl with hidden big dreams and small amounts of confidence

Adam Hewlett, a slight boy with brilliant ideas about life yet is rather immature when it comes with his own life

Darwin Rodgers, Adam and Molly’s wacky friend who aids in their conquests of life

Ross Bettner, Adam and Molly’s friend whose wisdom helps them both, even after a tragedy, Ethan’s brother and Mr. Bettner’s son. Ross is a happy, successful, 20 year old man.

Minnie Packard, the girl that Adam has always wanted. Adam always thought they were meant to be because of the Hewlett/Packard Company theme with their names.

Alicia Koszalinski, Molly’s closest girl friend who is a fist pumping anarchist wannabe

Ethan Bettner, boy that Molly always thought she loved, Ross’s brother.

John Overly, a manwhore type

Marcus and Sally Hewlett, Adam’s parents

Deborah and James Schuster, Molly’s parents

Miss Driscoll, a hard nosed 6th grade teacher

Mr. Bettner, a wise 12th grade English teacher and Ethan and Ross’s father.

Mr. Rayen, a completely idiotic and lame science teacher

The Sausage Gestapo, a crazy Jimmy Dean Sausage promoter who shares her wisdom with Molly in hopes of getting a sale. She is also very aggressive in the manner she approaches potential consumers, hence her title as the Sausage Gestapo.

Orthodontist doesn’t know how to use his ortho tools


Wal-Mart, Taco Bell, and Don’s Quality Market’s attendants (all the same two people) frazzled college age kids who keep changing jobs to avoid Molly, Adam, Darwin, Alicia, John, and Ethan.


Scene 1
[The scene opens to show the blue gloved hands of an orthodontist in the braced mouth of Molly Schuster. The usual orthodontist scrapping and chipping sounds are made ending with the slip of the tool, a howl from Molly and the camera continues to capture the zoomed in scene of the blue gloved hands frantically grabbing the paper bib from Molly’s neck to stop the profuse bleeding from her lip. A voice over is heard after wards as the action continues zoomed around the office]

Voice of Molly: You think after ten or more years in dentistry school that they’d be able to control those stupid little tools they use to tweak poor helpless kid’s braces. The only thing orthodontists were consistent at where making each visit full to the brim with cruel and unusual punishment. In five hundred years anthropologists are going to look back at our remains and see the torturous practice of human vanity known as braces. I mean who actually thinks connecting a kid’s teeth together with little bits of wire and straightening them by tightening small screws attached to the wire, is a good idea? With all the advances in modern medicine in the past century couldn’t there be a less primal way to straighten teeth?

[The camera zooms out to show a full scene of the eleven-year-old Molly sitting in the dentist’s chair, with a bloody paper bib clutched in her hand pressed against her swollen lip. The orthodontist is busying himself with the file cabinet. The upper torso and face of the orthodontist is never seen to bring about the youthfulness of the young Molly.]

Voice of Molly: I remember those braces. When I smiled I looked like my mouth belonged on a crude version of Battle Bots. I’d imagine my teeth, all wrapped in chrome, attacking the other robots. I saw my teeth taking chunks out of the usual robots with the swinging axes or the spinning saw-blades. Such weapons were mere child’s play compared to the lethal manner of the 3,000 dollars worth of orthodontia on my pearly whites.

[The action continues as Molly gets out of the chair as the orthodontist hands a file and a red balloon to her. The face and torso of the orthodontist is still never shown. Molly walks out with a face of absolute horror and pain as the balloon bobs gracefully in the sterile aura of the office.]

Voice of Molly: I might have hated those braces then, but in retrospect that one single trip to Dr. Krane’s office changed my life for the better…well…at least I think it did. Either way the memory of my orthodontist appointment in March of my 6th grade year and the events that followed are forever etched in my mind. My Psychology teacher in high school called them “Flash Bulb Memories”. You know, it’s like the memory has been recorded in your hippocampus like a roll of film. This film never gets old, and no matter how many times it is played back in your mind, it is always seems as if it was yesterday. There are no dust glitches or missing reels, only perfect interpretations of red letter days.

[Ferrus]

Quite good, I like the general style quite a lot.

[Alice I]

Meg I am printing this out so I can read it over later.
Do you want me to post any thoughts on it?
The last Time I did that it was not well recieved, so I am asking before I post.

[Meg Boyd]

Alice, be my guest i would love to hear what you have to say!...in the next section which i will be posting I need help writing the characters as precocious children and not just short high schoolers...however the characters stay as children for only a little while, so it might be only a bit of a hinderance to the story...

Continuing with the first scene...

[Scene washes out and in to a stuffy 6th grade classroom. The camera moves from the door into the classroom. The camera pans the room from left to right. Cheesy inspirational posters and rule charts grace the walls. The camera pauses a moment to capture a poster declaring the words “Carpe Diem”. The camera continues to pan left to right, pausing again on a desk in the center of the room. Every desk is full except for one in the center of the room. This desk has a just visible label with the name “Molly Schuster” on it. The camera continues to pan left to right. The camera stops at the front as a stiff, petite teacher paces the front of the room with her hands on the shoulders of a small twelve year-old Adam Hewlett.]

Mrs. Driscoll: Class I would like to introduce to you a new student. This is Aaron Hewitt from Idaho.

[Adam squirms nervously and glances up at the teacher. He tries to clear his throat to correct her but the rather large rayon bow tie around his throat is seemingly restricting his airflow. Nothing but inaudible sounds are uttered and the camera shows the teacher’s disapproving glare down at Adam]

Adam: uh…um…uh…actually…m’am…uh…I am Adam…you know Adam like the na—na—na—naked guy from the Bible…not Aaron. There is…uh…(adjusts his collar and is sweating) uh…quite a difference between Adam and Aaron. And my last name is Hewlett, not Hewitt, kinda like the computer company…he he he…Hewlett Packard, eh?

Mrs. Driscoll: Yes that’s what I said Aaron. Now will be will you please tell us about Idaho?

Adam: (sighs) Um…actually my name is Adam, Adam Hewlett and I am from Ohio. It’s kinda funny because Ohio is Japanese for hello or something, or maybe it is thank you? You know come to think of it I don’t remember anymore…but oh God…(takes a deep rattling breath)…don’t you just hate it when you forget stuff that you were meaning to say, this one time----

Mrs. Driscoll: I think we’ve had enough of your interesting prose Mr. Hewitt. Now would you please take a seat next to Alicia in the center row? Yes, that’s. (turns back to the chalk board) Now Adam, can you tell me the one and only vice president of the US to be elected as president and serve for two terms?

[Adam makes his way to the center desk, clearly marked “Molly Schuster”. He notices the pink label and the girly supplies on the inside (ie the Playtex Pre-Pubescent Pack and hot pink folders and pencils) The camera centers on his puzzled look. Adam raises his hand. The teacher prattles on ad-lib so Adam clears his throat and speaks. Camera zoom out to whole picture.]

Adam: M’am…M’am…I don’t think I belong exactly here…M’am?

Mrs. Driscoll: Adam, that is not the correct answer. If you were listening instead of horsing around like a yard ape, you might have known that the answer was Thomas Jefferson!

[Adam sits down dejectedly]

Mrs. Driscoll: Now! Adam, would you please tell me who the sixteenth president of the United States was?

[As Teacher speaks, the camera (still on Adam) pans over to the doorway where we see Molly standing with her arms crossed, glaring at Adam with one eyebrow raised.]

Mrs. Driscoll: Adam….Adam….Adam!

[A Thumping heart is heard, as the camera jumps from similarities between Adam and Molly. Both have battered copies of Moby Dick, a fun designed folder, a composition notebook marked PRIVATE, and a round stick Bic pen. The camera also jumps to their faces. Adam’s is a scared kind of nervous surprise, and Molly’s is of confusion. Molly grabs her stomach, and slowly collapses into the dunce table, still looking at Adam. Adam keeps looking quizzically as well, as camera keeps jumping from Adam to Molly. Thumping continues.]

Mrs. Driscoll: Adam! The sixteenth president of the United States, please?

[camera quickly pans to the Teacher, as thumping stops.]

Adam: Uh...(looks at Molly)…uh…

Molly: I believe it would be Abraham Lincoln, m’am.

Mrs. Driscoll: Thank you Molly. Next time I would expect better results, Adam. I will not tolerate any slackers in this class. The bar is high in my class, Mr. Hewlett, and for the better. Natural selection my friend, only the strong survive. Failure to do the absolute best will result in your extintiction. (Bell rings) There is always going to be somebody better than you, but you must always strive to be the best you can be, or else extintiction!

[the class exits the room. Molly waits for Adam, as he is gathering his things. He crosses to the door, where Molly approaches him]

Molly: You do know that is my desk.

Adam: I’m sorry. Mrs. Driscoll put me there. I don’t think she realized it. I tried to tell her, but then again she seemed to have a hard time comprehending my name at first.

Molly: Yeah, she gets that way sometimes. She’s tough, but it is for the best. A little bit of corporal punishment never hurt anyone, I guess. (laughs)

Adam: They way she talked you would think she is preparing us for combat in the jungles of Vietnam instead of high school. Even that is a little out of wack, because when you think about it we are only in the sixth grade. High school is still pretty far away when you think about it.

Molly: No it isn’t. It is only three years away. And once you get to high school you have to make all the right choices to insure a place in an accredited university in able to get a choice career. Anything we do now can really affect our entire happiness as an adult person.

Adam: Wow…you are really a dork.

Molly: I’m a dork? Where did you come from that makes you so special? The People’s Republic of Pompous Jerks?

Adam: Actually I am from Ohio.

Molly: uh…yeah well…Big Difference

Adam: (annoyed) I’d hate to end this exhilarating chat of ours, but if you could kindly show me to the band room I would be much obliged.

Molly: Oh believe me, you are obliged already there kid. Just follow me. I have to go there to. By the way my name is…

Adam: (cuts her off) Molly, yeah I know. It was on the label of your desk. I’m Adam.

Molly: I guessed by the angry shouts from Drill Sergeant Driscoll.

Adam and Molly: (laugh)

Molly: C’mon, I’ll even show you the short cut.

[Molly walks out of the class room and Adam follows.]

Molly: I see you have a copy of Moby Dick. How far are you?

Adam: (adjusting his tie, and coughing a bit) almost done, only five more pages to go? You?

Molly: (clearing throat, and laughing nervously) Me too, only I have three pages to go. What a whale of a tale, eh?

Adam: (suddenly distant) Yeah. Witty. (keeps walking and looking straight ahead)

Molly: I play clarinet in band. What do you play?

Adam: Alto Saxophone. (keeps walking and looking straight ahead)

Molly: I always wanted to play saxophone, but a clarinet was cheaper so I got one of those. Are you good at playing the saxophone?

Adam: Excellent.

Molly: Pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?

Adam: It is a fact. I’m excellent at playing the alto saxophone, and I haven’t met a sixth grader who was better. Plain and simple.

Molly: whoa. Looks like somebody needs a bit of a head deflation. No body likes a braggart.

Adam: It isn’t bragging if it is the truth.

Molly: rrrrrrrrrrrrright (rolls her eyes)

[Molly and Adam are in front of the gym. Molly goes to enter as Adam stops dead in his tracks looking at her with distrust.]

Adam: What are you doing?

Molly: Umm…going to the band room. What do you think I’m doing?

Adam: That is the gymnasium. (points to sign on the door)

Molly: Very good Captain Obvious. You are obviously the cream of the crop at sign reading as well.

Adam: (rolls his eyes) Band rooms aren’t in the gym.

Molly: Well to get to this band room you need to go through the gym. Now will you please trust me and follow me?

Adam: Why should I trust you?

Molly: Because.

Adam: Good answer. (starts looking around for other students)

Molly: Fine. Find your own way to the band room…with out me.

[Molly turns on her heel and continues through the band room. Camera spins to Adam’s now scared and worried face. Camera zooms out, at three levels with an echoing sound at each level. Adam is alone, and each step of his new shoes echoes in the lobby. Camera zooms to Adam’s back as you see his shoulders move up with a deep breath and go down with his exhaling. Adam walks in the gym. In the gym, a stair case is clearly visible across the room. A large sign is next to the staircase reading “Music Rooms” with a large ascending arrow. Fade out.]

[Alice I]

Ross Bettner, Adam and Molly’s friend whose wisdom helps them both, even after a tragedy, Ethan’s brother and Mr. Bettner’s son. Ross is a happy, successful, 20 year old man.

The first thing I would do is to introduce the three Bettner's together. First Ross like you did then Ethan then the father. You have introduced several characters between Ross and Ethan and again between Ethan and Mr. Bettner.

The next thing I would do is to remove this from Ross's into:

Ethan’s brother and Mr. Bettner’s son.

The reason for that is when I first read that part:
I started looking back through your story intro looking for the name Ethan, who is not mentioned until after you introduse Minnie and Alicia.

The orthodontist is busying himself with the file cabinet. The upper torso and face of the orthodontist is never seen to bring about the youthfulness of the young Molly

I understand that you do not get to see the orthodontist, what I am unsure of is the part that says:

is never seen to bring about the youthfulness of the young Molly

What do you mean here?

[The action continues as Molly gets out of the chair as the orthodontist hands a file and a red balloon to her. The face and torso of the orthodontist is still never shown. Molly walks out with a face of absolute horror and pain as the balloon bobs gracefully in the sterile aura of the office.]

This is excellent imagery with the balloon!

Adam: uh…um…uh…actually…m’am…uh…I am Adam…you know Adam like the na—na—na—naked guy from the Bible…not Aaron. There is…uh…(adjusts his collar and is sweating) uh…quite a difference between Adam and Aaron. And my last name is Hewlett, not Hewitt, kinda like the computer company…he he he…Hewlett Packard, eh?

Mrs. Driscoll: Yes that’s what I said Aaron. Now will be will you please tell us about Idaho?

OOHHH I had a teacher like that! I absoultly hated the old cow
You have captured her well here and it shows in the degradeing manner in which she speaks to her students.
If your intention is to potray this woman as a over bearing, militant, It's my way or the highway and I AM in control mentality then may I recommend that she continue to call him by the wrong first and last name through out the whole first class.
She is essentially laying down the ground rules to this kid:
Be quiet and take what I say as gospel even if it is your name.

I think we’ve had enough of your interesting prose Mr. Hewitt. Now would you please take a seat next to Alicia in the center row? Yes, that’s.

Yes, that's.... what?

Molly: Yeah, she gets that way sometimes. She’s tough, but it is for the best. A little bit of corporal punishment never hurt anyone, I guess. (laughs)

What did Mrs. Driscoll do that would be considered corporal punishment?

Camera zooms out, at three levels with an echoing sound at each level. Adam is alone, and each step of his new shoes echoes in the lobby.

Is Adam walking or pacing here?

Camera zooms to Adam’s back as you see his shoulders move up with a deep breath and go down with his exhaling. Adam walks in the gym.

This is outlined nicely. I can picture in my mind exactly what I think you want me to.

I am looking forward to seeing the rest. If this is too much of a post for you let me know. I personally find this kind of thing helpful as a writer but everyone is different as I found out.

[Meg Boyd]

Thanks for reading this, i will change my character plot to have the whole Bettner family together

Quote:
The orthodontist is busying himself with the file cabinet. The upper torso and face of the orthodontist is never seen to bring about the youthfulness of the young Molly


I understand that you do not get to see the orthodontist, what I am unsure of is the part that says:

is never seen to bring about the youthfulness of the young Molly

What do you mean here?

I mean how like in the cartoon Muppet Babies you only saw Nanny's legs to emphasize the babies' youthful stature, kinda like emphasizing that Molly is young and little???

And when the teacher says "Yes, that's" I mean "Yes, that's it" in pointing out the desk...there are quite a few typos as I write this around midnight

[Ferrus]

Molly: Because.

I suppose thats a typo and you meant:

Molly: Because...

Just helping with the typos...

[Courtney Piddle]

wow meg, i think this is amazing, can't wait to hear more.

[pinky p]

i like it a lot, meg. sounds a bit like someone i know...

keep it up!