my moral dilemma

[Athena Appleton]

Okay... I have a contact list for about 75% of my graduating class from high school. I started it up about a year ago, it's got email addresses, phone numbers, physical addresses, careers, spouses, children... Anyway, the thing is, someone from this list emailed me wanting another person's phone number. To keep from saying "this person" and "that person", we'll call the girl who emailed me Julie, and the guy she wants the phone number for Greg.

So, anyway, Julie emails me for the first time in I don't know how long, at least 8 or 9 months and just says "Have you gotten any info on Greg? I would really like to get in touch with him."

Now, Greg's had some unfortunate encounters with former classmates in the last few years. A while back (several years after graduation), we worked together. Since we'd always been friends, and our siblings are all buddies and stuff, I knew that Greg was gay, so it was never an awkward thing with us. However, some less tactful former classmates have come up to him in the last several years and said something like "So, I hear you're gay," which is, naturally, not the kind of conversation starter he likes to be encountered with.

Julie is one of the tactless people I know, and they were never really close friends, as far as I know. I'm afraid she's heard through the grapevine (which is a very VERY effective way for unwanted communication to happen in my hometown) that he's either gay or his mom committed suicide, neither subject something I think he'd want to be sprung on him. But it could be that she's gonna be driving through the town he lives in now and wanted to see someone from high school, or any number of other reasons...

What sort of privacy policies should I take on this kind of situation? The list was made up so that we could get in touch when it's time to plan a reunion. Here are the options as I see them, but I'm open to any ideas.

• I just tell her that I can't give her the information.
• I remind her that we've made up an alumni homepage and forum, and she can post that she's looking for him in there. This option would be ideal, I think, but I also know he doesn't check it, but the message might get around to him that way.
• I tell her that I'll call him and give him the message that she'd like to get in touch with him, and give him her phone number or email address. This seems to be a good option too, except that I definately don't want to be the middle-man all the time.

Oy... got myself into a pickle.

[harrylover]

OK,

I just tell her that I can't give her the information.

Wouldn´t do that. I mean then she blames you that she couldn´t get in touch with him and things like that.

I remind her that we've made up an alumni homepage and forum, and she can post that she's looking for him in there. This option would be ideal, I think, but I also know he doesn't check it, but the message might get around to him that way.

Yeah, I think I would choose this one. I mean you don´t want her to get in touch with him and this is the best option for you.

I tell her that I'll call him and give him the message that she'd like to get in touch with him, and give him her phone number or email address. This seems to be a good option too, except that I definately don't want to be the middle-man all the time.

Wouldn´t do that. What if he doesn´t want to talk to her and then she gets impatient and asks you all the times if you really gave him her adress or why he doesn´t write to her...

[Gower]

I would choose the third one. That way you give him the choice whether or not he wants to talk to her. I doubt you would have to be the middle person for long.

[Mint]

I would stick with the 2nd one. U won't have to be responsible if anything goes wrong. ^_~ However, she might ask you why can't you just give her the info o_o

[Hermione Weasley]

yea i like the second one also.It's easier and that way if he doesn't want ot talk to her he can hust ignore the message!

[pinky p]

i guess you could try to ask her what her reasons are... tactfully, of course. obviously, don't go up to her and say, "what are your reasons for wanting to talk to greg? if it's about his being gay i don't think that is appropriate..." which would probably just make her mad. say something like, "so you're going through his town then or....?" something like that. i don't know julie so i don't know if she would respond to this or think your interfering and get all huffy, but it might be worth the try.

if not, i would go with option two. it leaves everything up to her and gets you out of being the middle man. if she does ask why you won't just give her his number, you could say you lost it or can't find it or something.

[Athena Appleton]

I decided to go with the third one. The second kind of goes against the whole purpose of the list in the first place, which is to make it easier for us to get in contact with each other. I sent Julie an email saying that I would feel more comfortable telling him that she wants to talk to him (and I found out it's nothing bad... she got a tattoo of something he drew and wants him to see it) and give him her email address and phone number. If it were me, that's what I'd want someone to do. And I did promise everyone when I was making the list that the information would be confidential unless it's with their permission...

So... yeah....