i'm worried

[Barry Trotter]

last time i had a problem, this place helped me a lot.

this isnt a prob;em you can help with as such. there isnt really anything anyone can do to help. but yeah it might help me to share it and i do need some advice and help towards the end

well
yesterday in the morning my flatmate helen ( the mother of baby anya and my best friend) was involved in a brutal accident. she was hit by a white van when she was walking to the shops for nappies. the driver was speeding and had been drinking. Helen is really hurt, she is still unconcious but it is looking good that she is going to wake up anytime soon. Anya wasnt in the accident thank god so she isnt hurt.

Helen is gay ( that is why i thought it was quite funny when someone thought we were married. ) anya was created in a very unwelcome way but she is amazing and helen and i are looking after her together.

when helen came out to her parents, they and her older sister disowned her. he mother still cares SO MUCH for her but her sister is very nasty and send back any cards or anything helen ever sends.

A few months ago, helen was welcomed back by her mother. her dad was still unsure and her sister still wanted nothing to do with her.

Last night, helens mum and her sister turned up at the hospital from ireland . i was happy to see them there but when niamh ( helen's sister) told me to leave because i wasn't "family" it really hurt me. after all, she hadnt even spoken to helen for about 7 years.

I decided it must be because of the journey or something so i came home and collected anya and put her down. I got the flat ready for helens mum and sister to sleep.

at about 2 oclock, niamh walked in and started to talk to me. I was really worried about helen but she wouldn't tell me how she was. Niamh is going back to ireland on wednesday. she was supposed to go bacl today but i begged her to stay. you may ask Why i'd ever want her to stay. Its because she wants to take anya back to ireland with her.

I know i have NO rights over her as i am not her father and myname isnt on the birth certificate but i dont want her to be taken to ireland.

I really want anya to stay with me, i can look after her and love her and she knows me. and it wont be long until helen wakes up anyway. and when she does, the first thing she will ask for is anya.

these isnt anything i can do to stop niamh from taking anya is there?

I just have to hope and pray ( and i have been praying. its not something i have done t goes against me but i am willing to believe whatever it takes to get helen better )thta helen akes up before niamh goes.

i want to ask you HONESTLY

you have to be honest. I know i am a guy and no relation of anya and niamh is. where do you think anya would be better off?

niamh has a husband and a nice house.

i know anya would be well looked after. Helen wouldnt want her sister to take anya i'm sure she wouldnt. but then she is her sister. i've never had a sister but i have heard that the bond between siblings is stronger than anything.

urgh
helen will wake up soon though
i know it

[TDM]

well, Barry, i'm really sorry about Helen, and i hope that she does wake up soon. however, on the case with anya, there is somethign you can do. talk to helen's mother. she would have more authority than niamh, i think, in this situation. besides, if niamh did take anya away, and Helen woke up, wondering where anya was, i could only see Helen's and Niamh's relationship growing farther apart, which is not good, because from what you've said about this, Helen is trying to get her family's acceptance back. and daughters do have a power of persuasion over their fathers. i don't know how it works, but it happens. so, i would just talk to Helen's mother, and ask her to convince Niamh to stay until Helen wakes up.

hoping it all turns out,
TDM

[Mint]

Key, here is my honest responce.

The baby prob. would be better off with you, but there is nothing u can do about it. I mean if you will be persistant they will go though this legally - and will still take her away.

U did the right thing by "bying time" for Helen to wake up.

But to make u feel better, I am sure if Helen's sister will take the baby with her - nothing bad is gonna happen to the baby, Anya will be fine, she is not old enough to be heartbroken - which is good.

Try to make Helen's sister stay as long as you can, and after that dont try to stop her (u did all that u could do). And when Helen wakes up - she will be able to take Anya back.

I hope everything will work out for you Barry!!! And I really hope Helen will recover ok - that is Horrible what happen to her!!!! oh >_< poor thing!

Keep us posted!!!

[Groo]

can you tell us what Niamh said about taking Anya back with her? when Helen wakes up (by God's grace she will wake up soon Barry) she would want her child back and since she has the first right over Anya, Anya will have to be returned to her.
so does Niamh intend to take the baby away permanantly or till Helen is in good health? In either case, she does have affection for the child so i dont think the child will suffer.

as for my honest opinion on where Anya will be better off.. I really cant decide without hearing niamh's point of view since the whole life of a baby is concerned. however, there is no doubt that Anya will get more much affection if she stays with helen and you

[Athena Appleton]

Oh my gosh... I'm so so soooo sorry, Barry!

First of all, yes, definately I'll be praying for you, Helen and Anya.

I don't really know what to say, though... From everything you've ever posted here about Anya, even before her birth, I know that you love her like a father, and that you would care for her like one, too.

Maybe Helen has said something in regards to this to her mother, or to other friends of the two of you... if that's the case, then maybe they could be enlisted to help Helen's sister see that Anya should stay where she is.

I wouldn't think, if Helen is still alive, that Anya could just be taken, or if she were, that it would be a permanant thing. I mean, assuming Helen gets better, she would be able to have Anya back, right?

My mind's kind of in a jumble, but I think you should definately try to keep talking to the sister and the mom, and maybe try to get them talking with other people who know that you can be trusted to provide a loving, caring home for Anya while her mother is not able to care for her.

As far as any legal rights are concerned, unless Helen has said something to someone about how if anything happened to her, she'd want you to take care of Anya, I don't know that anything could be done. You may want to consider consulting a lawyer about this, though, since not only do I not know law in Texas, but I have NO idea how things work in other countries.

My prayers are with you guys!

[Alice I]

I am so sorry to hear about Helen.
You are all in my prayers.
I think that Athena may be right about contacting a laywer btu do that quietly. Also the things that Helen has written here on B&O could support your side of things. If you do decide to contact a laywer show him the threads concerning the three of you here in St. Mungos.
Helen gave the clear impression that the two of you would be raising Anya. That could be of great assistance. Granted it isn't a legal document or anything but it is clear intent written before the accident.

Good Luck with all of this and if you need to talk know that we are all here for you on the thread or in PM's.

Alice I

[Athena Appleton]

I'm kinda trying to figure out any way you can keep her with you, at least temporarily, and buy time.

I don't know how laws work in the UK, but I remember when I was little, my grandparents took us on a short trip to a border town in Mexico. In order for us to cross the border, we had to have our parents' written consent.

In the event that something happened to the parents, though, I think a judge would have to give an order okay-ing someone to take a baby out of the country without consent from a parent or legal guardian. If you're the legal guardian, that's great, but it doesn't sound like you are. But if you try to find out about this, it may help, as the sister might not get too far with Anya before finding out she can't legally take her home.

Then again, since (I think) you're both in the United Kingdom (like I said, I'm a "stupid American") then I don't know if those laws would apply, or, naturally, I dont' know that the UK even have rules like that.

[Won Wheezy]

Gosh, Barry - I'm terribly sorry about all this. I hope Helen will be ok soon. Do you know anything about her condition after she wakes up?

I would also recommend to talk to Helen's mother, as she seems to really care for her daughter. Maybe you can convince her that you are the best person to look after the child, also Anya would be closer to her mum when Helen wakes up. Also it's best for Helen, because imagine her shock when she wakes up and her baby is in a different country!

I wish you all the good luck in this world, Barry - I know you're a great dad and you care a lot for Anya. You three are in my thoughts.

*Hugs*

[harrylover]

I just read that and i´m really sorry for you and i´m praying for helen!! I hope she will get better soon!!!

About anya. Try to speak with helen´s mom and her sister that anya could stay with you. I think it´s better for anya-she knows you-and for helen. I think helen would be shocked if she would find out that anya is in another country. You are a great dad barry. But if they take her with them don´t be afraid, helen´s mom and her sister will take care of anya she will be okay with them.

I really, really hope that everything will get better!! *hugs*

[Barry Trotter]

first off a big thankyou to you all.

it helped me to just write it al out, kindof rationalised it in my own mind a little.

Niamh had a run in with a close friend of mine and helens and decided to back off a little. she came back and was sickly sweet but i didnt see it at the time because i wasnt really in a fit state of mind. ( lack of sleep and food not good) but yes she wormed her way back.

Helen has woken up now but she isnt herself at all.

its bad.

As soon as niamh found out that helen had woken up she left again. she lost interest straight away.

Miram ( helens mum) is still here and we're both trying to make things really easy for helen.

she may not be able to walk again. ever. or she might not be able to walk for a whiole, she may have to teach herself to walk again. which wil be very hard

whatever the outcome, helen is very ill stil. se is concious but she keeps having fit type things which need to be sorted out before she can leave.

its going to be a long journey ahead but i'm sure we'll make it through easily enough.

thankyou all again

i did come on every day and read your posts and they did help me. i'm sorry i didnt reply i just couldnt bring myself to writre that helen still haddnt woken up. it just didnt seem real.

thankyou x

[pallas artemis]

Tell Helen to be strong and keep positive. Anything is possible no matter what bad news the drs may give you (hopefully none).

After you start to get things straightened out a little you guys should discuss taking legal measures as to what will happen to Anya should something horrible like this ever happen again

Good Luck with rehab and you're all in my prayers

[Alice I]

I am glad to hear that Helen is awake but so sorry to hear about the paralysis. Keep the faith Barry for it may not be permanent.

Is there an address that you could post so that we could send cards and such to Helen? Maybe something anonymous like a P.O. Box or possibly the address of the fire house you work at?

We are all behind you and Helen and wish you the best.
Very big hugs to you and Helen and Anya.

[harrylover]

You really have to be strong now barry!!! It´s good that helen is awake now. I hope she will be able to get better soon.

You are in my prayers and i hope you and anya are strong!!
I wish you all the best!! *big hugs*

[Dumbledores Master]

I am really sorry about Helen and I hope she stops fitting soon

Things can only get better from here, paralysis isn`t the worse that could have happened but it is really bad, now I won`t tell you a load of stuff that won`t really help but you can be strong and care for Anya. You can`t do much to help apart from be with Helen.

Do you have any idea about anything else that may be wrong with her?

Niamh was not really interested in Anya but probably only wanted to hurt you and Helen.

I am really sorry and I am sure that I speak for everyone on BaO when I say we are all worried about Helen and that we want you to know we are behind you.

[TDM]

well, Barry, you and Helen are all in our prayers. and just remember, anything is possible yet, so good luck with the rehab. don't give up hope...ever.